The Ebb and Flow of an Amorous Bond with a Self-Centered Partner

Tugs-and-Tangles Interplay of an Amorous Bond with a Narcissist

In the complex world of human relationships, one disorder stands out for its potential to cause significant emotional pain and harm - Narcissistic Personality Disorder (NPD). This article aims to shed light on the challenges that come with being in a relationship with an individual diagnosed with NPD.

Individuals with NPD often struggle with attachment, leading them to orchestrate their own abandonment of relationships. This behaviour, known as devaluing or discarding, is a common trait in NPD individuals. The outcome of such relationships is often emotional pain and hurt for the significant other.

The fragile ego of an NPD individual demands so much energy to protect that little is left for genuine emotional connection. They are often found using tactics such as gaslighting, blame-shifting/projection, silent treatment, and power/control grandstanding.

The fear of emotional pain and suffering is so profound in NPD individuals that they may avoid romantic liaisons altogether. Vulnerability, a crucial element in any healthy relationship, is something they cannot psychologically tolerate due to their fear of emotional anhilation.

Many NPD individuals come from families where the primary attachment figure neglected or abused them, which may contribute to their fear of emotional intimacy. This fear often results in their inability to tolerate vulnerability, leading to emotional abandonment of their partners.

Sandra Brown, a renowned relationship expert, describes a relationship with an NPD as a "relationship of inevitable harm." Claudia Moscovici, author of "Women Who Love Psychopaths: Inside the Relationships of Inevitable Harm with Psychopaths, Sociopaths, and Narcissists," further explores this concept.

Even excellent, loving partners can find themselves pushed away by the NPD due to their inability to tolerate vulnerability. These cycles of devaluation and discarding can manifest in various relationships, including family, friendship, and business/work relationships.

Higher functioning NPDs may desire intimacy and closeness, but they struggle to maintain a relationship that requires reciprocity, empathy, compromise, authenticity, and integrity. The NPD individual is not capable of sustaining insight or an internal working model of the self in the environment that generates empathy.

Moreover, the NPD individual has great difficulty understanding how their behaviour impacts their significant others. This lack of understanding often leads to further emotional pain and hurt.

In an attempt to restore their sense of equilibrium, NPD individuals may use a tactic known as "hoovering" to re-engage their romantic partner. However, this temporary respite often provides no lasting solution to the underlying issues in the relationship.

It's important to note that NPD individuals have difficulty maintaining healthy relationships and communication with significant others due to their diagnosis. Their inability to love in a deep, mature fashion due to their own internal psychological wounding results in them hurting others in all life domains.

In conclusion, understanding NPD and its impact on relationships is crucial for anyone navigating intimate connections. Awareness and education can help protect individuals from the potential harm that can come from being in a relationship with someone diagnosed with NPD.