Validation from the Outside: The Perilous Path for Self-Worth

The Peril of Seeking Self-Worth from Outside Verification

In our daily lives, we often encounter individuals who struggle with problematic behavior, stemming from a deep, early fear of rejection and abandonment. This fear, rooted in childhood experiences, can shape personality and career paths significantly.

One common trait among such individuals is a tendency towards narcissism or antisocial behavior. These people disregard others' boundaries and humanity, focusing solely on themselves. On the other hand, many of us seek approval and acceptance from others, often feeling never good enough and terrified of social rejection.

For some, this fear leads to a lack of self-awareness. They may not know who they really are, what they feel, think, or like, as they were raised to prioritize others over themselves. This can result in people-pleasing behavior, where individuals are afraid to be their true selves or take care of themselves, with mental boundaries closely enmeshed with others.

However, healing and growth are possible. As we grow, we can become less frightened by rejection and less psychologically dependent on others. We can learn to make better choices, feel that we are enough, and live a more conscious, proactive, loving, and fulfilling life.

Rejection as a child can feel like existential death, leading to a lifetime of vulnerability to manipulation. Hurt and invalidation in childhood can lead to a skewed self-perception and dependence on others' opinions. But self-esteem can come from within, rather than relying on external validation.

Healing, growth, and thriving lead to a more accurate self-evaluation and less reliance on others' interpretations of oneself. Agreeing with someone can lead to feelings of confidence and joy, while disagreement can lead to feelings of threat, loneliness, upset, self-doubt, and social anxiety.

Individuals can change their behavior, false belief systems, and old survival mechanisms that no longer aid them. Lack of approval or validation can lead to feelings of anxiety, emptiness, or invisibility. People often develop behaviors to regulate their emotions based on their stressful past environments.

Constantly needing others' approval and validation can lead to dysfunctional behavior to manage painful emotions. A person's self-esteem and self-worth can become dependent on others' approval or validation. But individuals can learn self-validation, recognise and accept their strengths and shortcomings, and step out of their comfort zone.

Individuals can accept certain things about themselves that their psyche did not allow them to accept before, feeling increasingly more connected with themselves. The background of the development of self-esteem, which for many people is rooted in early and persistent fear of social rejection and devaluation, lies primarily in childhood experiences.

Unconditional parental love and secure attachment provide the essential foundation for healthy self-esteem. Lack of this can lead to persistent insecurity and fear that shape personality and career paths. But it's never too late to heal, grow, and thrive, breaking free from the chains of fear and embracing a life filled with self-love and acceptance.