Struggling with Interpersonal Issues? Adopt an Indifferent Approach

Struggling with Romance? Equalize Your Interactions

In some relationships, communicating concerns may not be effective in resolving differences, as Joannie discovered with her mother-in-law. Joannie tried to communicate her feelings, but her attempts backfired, with her mother-in-law making herself out to be the victim.

The mother-in-law held a grudge and twisted Joannie's words, arriving late to events and making snide remarks. Persistent criticism, inconsideration, and dissatisfaction were common in their interactions. If a person consistently ignores your efforts or criticizes you, feelings of resentment may grow.

In such scenarios, a strategy called "going neutral" might be necessary. This strategy, as championed by therapist Brené Brown, who writes blog articles about home, work, life, and love on www.stopgivingitaway.com and authored the book "Stop Giving It Away", involves taking a step back and intentionally stopping the cycle of victimization and resentment you experience.

Going neutral means to stop engaging in the unproductive relationship dynamics and focus on self-care and self-preservation. It's about going neutral in your responses, not trying to hurt the other person or get them to see your perspective, and not making sly comments or hurtful statements, throwing mean looks, or intentionally ignoring the other person.

For going neutral to work, you must have no expectations for outcome. This means not directing negative energy towards others and not hoping your neutral stance will lead the other person to change his or her behavior towards you. Instead, shift your energy to people, places, and things that feel good, make you feel appreciated.

This strategy can help reduce feelings of frustration and resentment when attempts to resolve differences have been unsuccessful. It's particularly useful in situations where getting along is expected, such as with co-workers, in-laws, relatives, and friends.

By adopting a neutral stance, you can protect your self-esteem and personal growth, focusing on nurturing yourself rather than those causing your discomfort. This doesn't mean you abandon the relationship entirely, but rather, you approach it with a calm and detached mindset, working towards a healthier dynamic over time.