Single Life: Is Embarrassment Common?

Pondering Over the Embarrassment of Solitude?

In the realm of life satisfaction, comparing the experiences of married or partnered individuals to those of singles can be a complex task, as studies often yield varying results.

While some research suggests that happy singles are more likely to marry, other studies indicate wide differences in the benefits of marriage for different couples. A 15-year study of 24,000 people in Germany, though, found that marriage provided a minor increase in life satisfaction, amounting to just one-tenth of a point on a ten-point scale.

However, it's important to note that this increase in life satisfaction from marriage was likely due to initial effects. Dr. Richard E. Lucas, the lead author of the study, concluded that most people were no more satisfied with life after marriage than they were before.

But what about those who choose to embrace singlehood? Joy can be found in relishing one's own company, and cultivating resources such as exercise, meditation, spiritual practice, art, writing, or music can deepen well-being and expand creativity. Being alone can provide opportunities for personal growth, allowing individuals to work on themselves and explore their past relationships.

Mindfulness can help individuals notice and explore whether societal beliefs about being partnered are truly valid. The Buddhist parable of the two arrows offers a useful analogy: the first arrow represents an unpleasant circumstance, and the second arrow represents our mental and emotional reaction to that circumstance. By being mindful, we can choose to lessen the impact of the second arrow, finding peace and contentment even in the face of adversity.

In the context of being single, feelings of sadness or loneliness can be noticed and accepted gently. However, the belief that there's something wrong with being single can be a self-inflicted source of additional dissatisfaction and shame. It's crucial to remember that opportunities and synchronicities might bring a lovely partner into one's life, but a satisfying, meaningful life is also possible whether single or partnered.

Friendships can be an underrated source of satisfaction, offering relationships where individuals feel safe to reveal their true feelings and thoughts. Being open to opportunities and actively searching for connections can add joy and meaning to one's life.

Psychotherapy or coaching might help individuals learn more about themselves, what they really want, and how to move forward in their lives. They might also help individuals who are content with their single status to examine if they're carrying any shame around it.

In conclusion, the journey of life satisfaction is unique to each individual. Whether single or partnered, it's essential to prioritise personal growth, nurture meaningful relationships, and cultivate a sense of mindfulness and self-awareness.