Overcoming Resistance: Strategies for Eliminating It

Overcoming Stonewalling: Strategies to Address It

In the world of relationships, effective communication is key to maintaining a strong bond. One method that has been gaining traction is the practice of Marriage Meetings, gentle conversations that employ positive communication techniques.

According to renowned marriage researcher and psychologist, John Gottman, these meetings could potentially prevent a couple from divorcing. The conversations are characterised by the use of self-talk and I-statements, a technique that encourages partners to express their feelings openly and directly.

For instance, instead of saying, "You never listen to me," a partner might use an I-statement like, "I just want to say how I'm feeling. I want you to hear me without trying to fix anything." This approach can make a partner more open to hearing you, fostering a more understanding and empathetic environment.

Gottman's research has also highlighted an interesting gender dynamic in relationships. He found that 85% of those who stonewall, a behaviour characterised by withdrawing emotionally, are men. Stonewalling is upsetting to women and increases their physiological arousal, making it crucial for couples to understand and address this behaviour.

Self-talk can play a significant role in this regard. During stonewalling, a person might feel hurt and think their partner doesn't love them. However, self-talk can help a person move from this state to recognising that their partner is escaping from feeling overwhelmed or incompetent.

Interestingly, research suggests that men's brains are more developed in the area of problem-solving and logical processes, while women's brains are more developed in the areas of feelings, verbal, and interpersonal relating skills. This difference can influence the way partners communicate and respond to each other.

By employing these and other positive communication skills, couples can make their partner more comfortable, direct, and responsive, fostering a healthier and more harmonious relationship.