Cybersex recovery: Priming the early moves for recovery from cybersex addiction (Part 1)

Overcoming Cybersex Dependency: Initial Actions for the First Phase

In the heart of the city, Jerry, a 36-year-old office manager, has been struggling with a secret addiction - cybersex. For several years, he has been using pornography for several hours each weeknight and all day on weekends.

Jerry's emotional and psychological discomfort often triggers his desire for cybersex. Without outside assistance, he finds the temptation of emotional escape and dissociation through cybersexual intensity too powerful. He occasionally engages in mutual masturbation with strangers via webcam.

Jerry's inability to stop his behaviors for longer than a few days is typical of cybersex addicts. He has tried to quit using porn but finds it difficult and often returns to it as a means of escaping emotional pain. His attempts at dating in real life have been unsuccessful, as he was more focused on online activities than on his dates.

Three years ago, Jerry's girlfriend broke up with him, believing he was cheating on her. Since then, he has been seeking help to overcome his addiction.

Positive changes can occur for cybersex addicts if they seek help and accept assistance. The book "Always Turned On: Sex Addiction in the Digital Age," written by Natasha Dow Schüll in collaboration with Dr. Alan Fung, offers valuable insights into this modern-day challenge.

For Jerry, the first step towards recovery was acknowledging his addiction and its impact on his life. He then began to take practical steps to regain control.

Cybersex addicts should throw out all physical material related to their sexual addiction, such as flash drives, teledildonic devices, and external storage devices. They should also cancel memberships to websites or apps that service their addiction and consider canceling the credit card they've used to pay for these services.

Jerry's accountability partner, who is a therapist or a sponsor in his 12-step sexual recovery program, has been instrumental in his recovery journey. He is monitored by his accountability partner as he cleans his digital devices, deleting all files, emails, bookmarks, photos, videos, contact information, screen names, profiles, sexts, texts, games, apps, and other items related to his sexual acting out.

Cybersex addicts should install filtering and monitoring software on their digital devices to prevent access to troublesome sites and apps and help rebuild accountability. They should commit to only using the Internet when others are present, and to checking in with their accountability partner before and after they go online.

Jerry recently started using his office computer to access porn during work hours. To combat this, he has oriented his home and work computers in a public-facing direction, knowing that others can see what he is doing online often helps him control his digital activity.

Cybersex addicts should stay away from gray area activities, such as R and NC-17 rated movies, the Victoria's Secret catalog, or nonsexual chat rooms. Instead, they should display inspirational photos near their Internet-enabled devices, such as pictures of loved ones, and use the same or similar images as backgrounds on the actual devices.

Jerry's journey towards recovery is ongoing, but he is making progress. He is learning to face his emotional pain head-on, rather than escaping it through cybersex. With the support of his accountability partner and the practical steps he is taking, Jerry is hopeful for a future free from the grips of cybersex addiction.