The significance of setting boundaries: Guidance for those prone to catering to others' needs excessively

Importance of Limits: Guidance for Perpetual Givers

In today's fast-paced world, it's common to feel overwhelmed by the numerous tasks on our plates. This overload often stems from a difficulty in saying no, a challenge that many of us face. But setting boundaries can provide relief, foster trusting relationships, and uphold self-respect in the long-term.

However, for people pleasers, setting boundaries can seem frightening and impossible. Clinical social worker Fara Tucker notes that this process can feel threatening to one's survival and identity. Psychologist Lauren Appio agrees, viewing people-pleasing as a survival strategy.

People pleasing is not an inherent personality trait, but a behaviour, pattern, or habit. It often leads to burnout, feelings of depletion, depression, anxiety, and exhaustion. Loose boundaries lead to disconnected relationships that are empty, inauthentic, and have a false foundation.

People pleasers often find themselves prioritising others' needs over their own and uncomfortable saying no to someone. They rarely express a differing opinion, even when they disagree, and seldom assert their needs. As a result, they often feel lost, disconnected, and unsure of who they are or what makes them happy.

However, the good news is that people-pleasing behaviours can be unlearned. Setting boundaries is essential for your relationships, sanity, and building a fulfilling life. As you assert your needs and set firmer boundaries, some people may balk at this and you might have to spend less time with them or end the relationship altogether.

Discovering and articulating your boundaries is incredibly empowering. It's a way of saying to yourself and the world: I exist. I matter. It reduces resentment and helps to nurture the relationships that are healthy and mutually beneficial. The goal should not be to keep all relationships, but to nurture the ones that truly enrich your life.

Dr. Heather Stevenson, a psychologist based in New York City who specializes in working with people struggling with codependency and related issues, including family members of those in care, emphasizes the importance of self-care and self-respect in the boundary-setting process.

In conclusion, setting boundaries is a crucial step towards a healthier, more fulfilling life. It takes courage, but the rewards are worth it. By setting boundaries, you choose relief, trusting relationships, and self-respect in the long-term.