Cycle of Emotional Tie Development through Traumatic Experiences and Strategies for Freedom
In an abusive relationship, it's common to form a deep emotional attachment known as trauma bonding. This attachment can make it difficult to leave the relationship, but understanding the stages of trauma bonding and seeking help can be crucial in breaking the cycle.
Trauma bonding often begins with love bombing, a stage where the abuser showers the partner with excessive admiration, attention, or gifts. This love bombing can reel the partner in, forming a deep attachment with the abuser quickly. However, the relationship soon enters the second stage, where trust and dependency are established. The abuser may shut out other forms of support and make the partner financially dependent.
The third stage of trauma bonding involves the abuser's devaluation of the partner. They may begin to criticize, name-call, and gaslight their partner. This manipulation and gaslighting stage can be particularly damaging, with the abuser using emotional abuse tactics such as manipulation, gaslighting, blaming, denying, minimizing, intimidation, contradiction, isolation, control, and lying.
The loss of self stage is a critical point in trauma bonding. During this stage, individuals may become so dependent on their abuser that they lose their identity. Mental health may be in bad shape, with feelings of hopelessness, depression, or suicidal thoughts not uncommon.
In the resignation and giving up stage, individuals may give in to their abuser's demands to prevent further conflict, resorting to fawning behavior. This stage can be particularly difficult to escape, as the cycle of addiction with the abuser becomes stronger.
Breaking a trauma bond cycle first involves awareness that you have formed trauma bonds with an abuser, and seeking the support of others in your life and a mental health professional. Finding a positive support system, seeking the help of a mental health professional, and leaving the relationship can all help individuals heal from trauma bonds.
It's important to remember that leaving an abusive relationship can be dangerous. If deciding to break the relationship with the abuser, it's best to do so when the abuser is not present and you have plenty of support and a safe place to go.
Experiencing intimate partner violence increases the risk of sleep disturbances, substance use, suicidal thoughts, anxiety, depression, and PTSD. If you've experienced suicidal thoughts, please call 911, call a support hotline, or go to your nearest emergency room for help.
The National Domestic Violence Hotline can provide support and assistance for individuals leaving abusive relationships. For more information about trauma bonding and leaving abusive relationships, check out Psych Central's resource page on trauma bonding.
Trauma bonds are emotional connections that form between an individual and an abuser, often with the abusive behavior not being immediately shown. Understanding these connections and seeking help can be the first step towards breaking free from abuse.
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