Colleges Announce Statement Regarding Statements on Statements

Holy Cross College Updates: Changes in Statements, Foreign Language Program, and Global Events

Holy Cross College has announced some significant changes in its policies and programmes, as well as expressing its stance on global events.

Foreign Language Assistant Program Discontinued

In a recent development, the Foreign Language Assistant program at Holy Cross College has been discontinued. The college has cited budgetary reasons as the primary cause for this decision.

College's Stance on Global Events

The college has also taken a stance on ongoing global events, particularly the ongoing conflict overseas. In an email to students, the college posed a math problem about its stance on Indigenous peoples' claims to their lands, with an imaginary number as the answer. This move has left students confused about the college's stance on various issues and how far the college will go to remain impartial.

Statements on Statements

The college's commitment to updating students on world events remains, but the return of opinionated statements is not explicitly confirmed. In a new statement titled "Statement on Statements on Statements," the college has emphasised its intention to issue statements that are devoid of bias and careful not to upset anyone. This new statement was copyedited by Sophia Mariani.

Budgetary Constraints and Pride in Congress

Budgetary constraints have also led to the discontinuation of various programmes at Holy Cross College. Meanwhile, the college has expressed pride in the heroes in Congress and their attempts to pass a border-foreign aid bill, while criticizing those trying to stop them.

Lifting Heavy Items

On a health-related note, the World Health Organization has issued a statement recommending that people lift heavy items with their backs, reversing decades of advice to lift with the legs.

Confusion Among Students

The college's emails have been bombarding students' inboxes with notifications, causing some students to miss important announcements. This, coupled with the college's cryptic statements, has left students hoping for a future "Statement on Statement on Statement on Statements" to help clarify the college's position on various issues.

Russian Presidential Election

On the global stage, Vladimir Putin has won a fifth term as president of Russia, securing 87% of the vote in last week's election. As of now, there is no publicly available information in the search results about a person named Tiberius Septimius who was the first Latin FLAP appointed by Holy Cross University.

These updates and changes at Holy Cross College are a testament to its commitment to transparency and its efforts to navigate the complexities of the modern world.